I didn't know how to explain it to him, I didn't really have the words. Oh I attempted, with words interrupted by a growing Kleenex pile. He didn't understand why my having to RSVP regrets to an invitation caused this, but He didn't need the explanation, he said, it was just enough to know that I was hurting. I made the decision to move home from GVSU a year and a half ago. Based on excuses of no social life and no church, I thought I made a pretty strong case. What I neglected to piece into that equation was the consequences, and oh yeah, God's will? I was stubborn, impatient. While I said the words I was following His path, my actions and my heart were running the other way. My perfectly worded reasons? Gone. Hated the area? Now I long to be there as I drive by. No social life? My heart desperately misses the people there, I just never gave it a chance. No church? I rave about the church I attended there and encourage everyone to try it.
I love my life now, don't get me wrong, but there are many fleeting moments in which I wonder what would have happened if I had been patient and waited a few things out. I forever impacted a few close friendships which I know my heart will never recover from, as indicated from my emotions tonight. I have no doubt though, that the Lord worked things out for His purpose, even as I ran every which way from the actual path He placed me on. I know my steps will not always be straight, but my path will most certainly be. That unshakable confidence is what will keep me walking.
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